Dalton.. i don’t understand quite 100% why you did what you did. You left me a long story of your entire life but i don’t understand why me. You’ve told me i can write once here about how i feel about this. well.. here you go.. 2 nights ago on the 27th of March in 2014.. you took your own life.. Yesterday, i received a phone call that changed everything. i didn’t know what to do so i left work and headed straight to your house. Only was i to arrive and see your mother and our father standing in disbelief outside as if they had just seen the most terrible thing in their entire lives. You must of been in so much pain and yet hid it so well.. every time i seen you, you seemed great, and happy. I didn’t expect this at all.. You put a bullet through your own head and i can only wonder what could possibly cause you so much pain to do so. The notes you left me explained exactly what.. You told me about your life and how school was, how you were treated in school and how even i was not there. You told me about how everyone wanted you to always change, even i. You told me about this girl that took that away, yet in the end never even cared and brought it all back and made you hurt so much. Why did you not tell me before you pulled the trigger? Today.. Today we had a gathering for you. We had the entire family show up. I know you wrote down that you wished for nothing to be said cause you feel it’d only make things worse.. so i didn’t speak of the notes, and i won’t.. The girl knows about your death.. but i think you were right about her not caring at all. i’ve seen everything you wished to show me.. an i believe and see you are right about it. I know it hurt you so bad, and i don’t understand how someone could possibly do that to you or anyone, it’s just sick. I would probably do some bad things if you wouldn’t have written down for me not to. So i haven’t and i’ll try not to. I’m sitting here trying to read one part you scribbled out at one point about pills. I know you overdosed a few times but i don’t understand what it might possibly have said or why you mentioned your overdosing when you were in mid sentence about something with betrayal? i don’t know who else may have betrayed you besides that girl. the third word is either friends or friend, or fiend, fightin? i wish i could make it visible, but i believe you scribbled it out for a reason.. i just keep looking for answers but i can’t fully understand why such a thing happened. you always cared so much about people, you let them in and i guess that explains why they always used you as you mentioned. hell maybe even i did at times, but nothing like what you’ve explained some in your life have. it’s so fucked up to read what people in this world did to you. the bullies at school? 10 full years of it?? and i didn’t even know. and now what you get the last straw pulled by some girl who used you like some kind of stair stepping case? i wish i could understand why i didn’t know my little brother was being basically tortured his entire life because of who he was.. and you know, i was totally suprised at why you wanted to be buried so far away from home. and you want to have a private funeral you put because nobody even cared anyway? yet you let me come. and two other people know about it.. i will do my best. Dalton, as much as i do not understand alot of things.. i’m lost without answers, and you’ve wished for me not too seek for them or even go near the sick people that have betrayed you. I want you to know that i hope you forgive me for the times that i was not there. I wish that you knew i did actually care, and so did your little brother. We told him for now that you went on a trip because we’re not sure how rough it will be with him, his only brother died. I will tell him what you wrote for me to tell him soon though. I will let him know, and i just hope he takes it well now and in his future, as you wished and hoped as well. My little brother Dalton.. I hope you rest well, and i will be visiting you often. Miss you already.. rest in peace Dalton.
-Your Big Sister Jess
no you don’t understand.. it is for me, I do not want to be here any more. I have no reason to be anymore. literally everything I have ever done i’ve ruined. I tried my best, i’m sorry
I’m sorry that i have no energy and I’m sorry I’m depressed and can’t sleep at night and I’m sorry that when I do fall asleep I sleep until 3 and I’m sorry I’m no fun to be around and I’m sorry I’m so insecure and can’t eat the same food you do and im sorry I’m going no where in life and have no reason to even wake up.
i’m sorry that i love you